Sharks, Spiders and Snakes...oh my!

I often brag about Australia’s natural beauty – white sand beaches, turquoise waters, endless sunshine - but below the rolling waves and amongst the soft sands lies a world a little less beautiful and a little… more… evil. Somewhere down the list behind Paul Hogan, kangaroos, and blond surfer types sits Australia’s reputation for exceptional and sometimes dangerous wildlife.

Just like the rest of us, evil loves the longer days and warmer weather. Today we made a post-lunch trip to the beach. On our way, we ran into a friend of a friend. With Bronson in tow he asked if we were headed to Leighton Dog Beach. (we were) “They just closed Leighton an hour ago – a Great White was spotted along the coast” he said. My initial thought was not one of fear but one of disappointment that we’d have to drive further north to the next dog beach. During the warmer months helicopters patrol the coastline for the rogue Great White or Hammerhead and every few weeks or so a shark is spotted and a beach is closed. By the time we arrived at Leighton the beach had reopened but the wind kept us out of the water and our beach trip was a brief one.

A few weeks ago Shane and I went out to our backyard shed at 6am, rubbing our eyes and stumbling over our pj’s. I was going out to gather some items for a fundraiser that day and Shane was accompanying me. “Oh shit, that’s a big Redback” said Shane. Redbacks are a poisonous and deadly spider – a relative of the Black Widow yet much less elusive. Shane took off his thongs (flip-flops of course) and before I could panic it was dead. At that moment I recalled a friend recently saying that she had just spayed for Redbacks. Do normal Australian’s spray for Redbacks in the spring? Should we be spraying for Redbacks? Bugs I can handle. Spiders I cannot. Even a five year old’s crayola rendition of a spider sends tingles down my spine.

And then there are snakes. They say Australia is home to six of the world's top ten deadliest snakes. I’ve never had an unfortunate run in with a snake (knock on wood). However, I once watched a woman leap as if she were walking over hot coals in order to avoid a snake on the sidewalk. The snake was clearly contemplating suicide on a busy suburban road.

Perth golfers have lost thousands of balls to the bush. The risk-benefit ratio of recovering a lost ball vs. being bitten by a Dugite is indisputable. Just this week two men who were playing golf south of Perth, ventured into the bush in search of a lost ball and came across a human skeleton, presumed to be dead for two years. Clearly the murderer figured no one in their right mind would venture into the bush in search of a lost ball.

But sometimes evil lurks where you least expect it. When playing golf last year (avoiding Dugites) I parked my golf cart along the fairway while waiting for my teammates to tee off. Before I could take my foot off the break a growl, not dissimilar to a dog’s growl, came from my left. A kangaroo (bigger and taller than me) was not too happy that I was blocking his view of the tee. I swiftly yet quietly continued onward.

But of all the dangers mentioned thus far, no creature provides a greater threat than the bird. Springtime is swooping season for Magpies protecting their young. Walkers, cyclists and moped-riding postmen are all at risk. Other species of birds, who are not typical swoopers, have inherited the habit of the Magpie. Earlier this week Bronson was repeatedly pecked on the back by a Sparrow. My dog was beat up by a Sparrow. Bronson can expect to be swooped half a dozen times during a thirty minute walk yet he’s too busy with his nose to the ground to know that he’s under attack. We’re thankful that his presence is a distraction from ours.

And then there are the excessive flies, massive mosquitoes, household ants and crickets…..