Halloween anyone?

Halloween is my all-time favorite holiday. I’ve already mentioned my affinity for candy corn, I have a special interest in the supernatural and although I arrived into the world five days late, I was due to make my entrance on Halloween.

I know what you’re thinking right now. You’re wondering if they celebrate Halloween in Australia. I get this question every year. The answer is no… well yes… umm sort-of? The Australian version of Halloween is like this. It’s like walking into a bar on spring break in Cancun and ordering a margarita from one of those mass produced propeller controlled machines. It’s tasteless and has less alcohol than a Bartles and Jaymes wine cooler. So why even bother.

This evening at 6pm while the sun was still shinning bright, we went for a walk. During our thirty minute walk we saw a total of maybe seven children trick-or-treating. I sadly watched a group of 10-year-old girls dressed as school girl meets zombie go from door to door with no answer. At another house, one little girl sat outside in a ballerina outfit jumping on her trampoline while her dad washed the car. A bucket of candy lay on the grass. One Halloween friendly house advertised with black and orange balloons. It was bizarre. I felt as if I was in the middle of a bad dream where humans retreated underground and only the fanatical came out to celebrate Halloween. Not a jack-o-lantern or Halloween decoration in sight, no designated candy aisles in the stores and no “It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown” on the television.

By no means is this a criticism of Australia’s version of Halloween. I wouldn’t even expect Halloween to be recognized here but it’s something that’s slowly caught on in recent years from watching American tv shows and movies. I asked Shane when he was first introduced to Halloween. His answer was as a teenager, watching the Simpsons. How did I not already know this.

The curiosity is understandable. It gives young adults (and some older ones) they excuse to dress inappropriately and stay out late drinking and it gives young children an excuse to eat candy and socialize on a school night. A segment on this morning’s national morning program was even dedicated to the question of whether or not Australia should embrace Halloween.

I was living in England one 4th of July. A local American themed sports bar (because sports bars are inherently American) decided to capitalize on the 4th of July. The theme was Cowboys and Indians – hardly 4th of July but a good excuse to dress as a favored American stereotype and drink some pints.

But back to Halloween in Australia. If we’re going to get technical, Halloween’s roots are Celtic. Its commercialization is American. Seeing that there is probably a greater percentage of Australians with Celtic heritage than Americans then maybe they should be embracing Halloween?

But, as far as I’m concerned, my last Halloween was in 2007. I was a banana. That’s when my 28 year streak of dressing up for Halloween came to an end. On Friday I spoke with batman on Skype. He was in Houston. I had nearly forgotten that Halloween was only two days away until my friend’s four year old greeted me on the other end of the webcam.

I don’t want to leave you thinking that Australia doesn’t have its own holidays. On November 2nd, the first Tuesday in November, the Melbourne Cup will take place. The Kentucky Derby of Australian horse races but bigger. The state of Victoria declares it a public holiday and it’s rather acceptable for workers in other states to call in sick. I’m not really into horse races but the dresses, the hats, and the spring racing season is a big part of this culture and I enjoy watching Australians embrace a tradition that is uniquely theirs.

Trick or treat! Smell my feet! Give me something good to eat! Mate.

Sharks, Spiders and Snakes...oh my!

I often brag about Australia’s natural beauty – white sand beaches, turquoise waters, endless sunshine - but below the rolling waves and amongst the soft sands lies a world a little less beautiful and a little… more… evil. Somewhere down the list behind Paul Hogan, kangaroos, and blond surfer types sits Australia’s reputation for exceptional and sometimes dangerous wildlife.

Just like the rest of us, evil loves the longer days and warmer weather. Today we made a post-lunch trip to the beach. On our way, we ran into a friend of a friend. With Bronson in tow he asked if we were headed to Leighton Dog Beach. (we were) “They just closed Leighton an hour ago – a Great White was spotted along the coast” he said. My initial thought was not one of fear but one of disappointment that we’d have to drive further north to the next dog beach. During the warmer months helicopters patrol the coastline for the rogue Great White or Hammerhead and every few weeks or so a shark is spotted and a beach is closed. By the time we arrived at Leighton the beach had reopened but the wind kept us out of the water and our beach trip was a brief one.

A few weeks ago Shane and I went out to our backyard shed at 6am, rubbing our eyes and stumbling over our pj’s. I was going out to gather some items for a fundraiser that day and Shane was accompanying me. “Oh shit, that’s a big Redback” said Shane. Redbacks are a poisonous and deadly spider – a relative of the Black Widow yet much less elusive. Shane took off his thongs (flip-flops of course) and before I could panic it was dead. At that moment I recalled a friend recently saying that she had just spayed for Redbacks. Do normal Australian’s spray for Redbacks in the spring? Should we be spraying for Redbacks? Bugs I can handle. Spiders I cannot. Even a five year old’s crayola rendition of a spider sends tingles down my spine.

And then there are snakes. They say Australia is home to six of the world's top ten deadliest snakes. I’ve never had an unfortunate run in with a snake (knock on wood). However, I once watched a woman leap as if she were walking over hot coals in order to avoid a snake on the sidewalk. The snake was clearly contemplating suicide on a busy suburban road.

Perth golfers have lost thousands of balls to the bush. The risk-benefit ratio of recovering a lost ball vs. being bitten by a Dugite is indisputable. Just this week two men who were playing golf south of Perth, ventured into the bush in search of a lost ball and came across a human skeleton, presumed to be dead for two years. Clearly the murderer figured no one in their right mind would venture into the bush in search of a lost ball.

But sometimes evil lurks where you least expect it. When playing golf last year (avoiding Dugites) I parked my golf cart along the fairway while waiting for my teammates to tee off. Before I could take my foot off the break a growl, not dissimilar to a dog’s growl, came from my left. A kangaroo (bigger and taller than me) was not too happy that I was blocking his view of the tee. I swiftly yet quietly continued onward.

But of all the dangers mentioned thus far, no creature provides a greater threat than the bird. Springtime is swooping season for Magpies protecting their young. Walkers, cyclists and moped-riding postmen are all at risk. Other species of birds, who are not typical swoopers, have inherited the habit of the Magpie. Earlier this week Bronson was repeatedly pecked on the back by a Sparrow. My dog was beat up by a Sparrow. Bronson can expect to be swooped half a dozen times during a thirty minute walk yet he’s too busy with his nose to the ground to know that he’s under attack. We’re thankful that his presence is a distraction from ours.

And then there are the excessive flies, massive mosquitoes, household ants and crickets…..